king julian

okay, due to extra work, my procrastination, life changes, and fear of the unknown, i haven't posted in months! i think i'm ready now. it's probably gonna get a little weird. are ya ready?
you know how facebook always asks what's on your mind? i can't always tell them cuz my mind doesn't work like other people's. i pretty much know i am manic depressive and ocd and adhd. once i figured it out i was good with it. i don't take meds but my mantra in life is control. not of my surroundings because i am a bartender but of myself. if people actually knew what goes through my brain i think they would be shocked.
for instance, my favorite movie is madagascar 2. i love king julian. i am king julian in my head. he's kind of a manic guy. i'm kind of a manic person. if you see me acting weird behind the bar, i am probably being king julian. having whole conversations with y'all being king julian in my brain. i ain't lyin'. and y'all don't even know. i try to look fairly normal on the outside. i know i'm weird. i can't help it.
i'm 55 years old. i do animal rescue and i have furbabies looking for their furever families. i have stories! i think i might have an epileptic cat and maybe one with diabetes. and a couple of semi-feral cats, one of which i think is autistic. i work nights so whatever time i get home, i know the kids are gonna need at least two hours to burn off all the sleeping they have been doing in the 8-10 hours i have been gone. e-v-e-r-y d-a-y!!! and food and water and litter boxes. e-v-e-r-y d-a-y! i'm sleeping on a futon in the living room. my papasan chair is a communal dog bed. i feel like i am basically living in a dog kennel. good thing i am low maintenance.
since i'm a bartender, this is the busiest time of the year for me. thanksgiving to mardi gras. i can feel myself getting manic. a couple of friends are down due to injuries so i'm picking some extra work next door. luckily i can cook, food wait, bartend, and i'm willing to do the grunt work that no one else wants to do. which is all good. but i have to make myself take each day at a time and think it through. part of me wants to go screaming down the halls. but i know the crazier i get it makes it worse on people around me. as long as i am calm, cool, collected, and in control of myself and the situation and i have my eye on the ball, the final outcome, with a smile plastered on my face and a kind word for everyone then things will be so much easier for us all and we will all feel much better when we are through. did you get all that in that run-on sentence? that's my brain. and my basic philosophy in life.
fortunately or not, i believe this is my passion. i tried to deny it for years. had plenty of straight jobs. office and advertising management, accounting, trained plenty of people and i'm a pretty good shade tree mechanic. but i always come back to this. is it a gift or a curse? i dunno.
my fingers are getting wonky and tomorrow is going to be a long one. it starts in a couple of hours. i could not go to sleep and drink all night but that's where the crazy comes in.